10 Things You Think And Do When You're Drunk

After a very drunken night out with my housemates, I decided to compile a list of things people do when they're drunk. I hope y'all recognize yourselves in at least a few of these!

1. You call/message someone you shouldn't.

We've all done this. Typically it's an ex or someone you've slept with. If you have a smartphone, there's apparently an app you can download that prevents you from contacting certain people for a pre-selected amount of hours. It can't be undone, so you have to wait the full amount of time you set. Very handy!

"WHAT DO YOU NEED? A SIGN!? Oh, there's one."

2. You try to have sex with everyone.

OK, so maybe you're not really trying, but the way you behave definitely makes people think sex is on the table. Or with the table. Who cares, really?

"I don't care if it's on stage or on the floor, I'm having sex!"

3. You think you're much more attractive than you actually are.

Insecurities? What's that? Modesty? Who needs it! You are obviously the hottest person in the room, and anyone getting attention from you should feel lucky, no honoured by it. As if your perceived attractiveness isn't enough - you think that by being drunk, you become more attractive. Want to talk to that boy/girl? Better have another drink first!

"She wants me."

4. You think you're rich.

"Strip clubs and dollar bills. I still got mo' money. Patrone shots, can I get a refill? I still got mo' money. Strippers goin' up and down that pole. I still got mo' money. Four o'clock and we ain't goin' home. I still got mo money." Then you wake up the next day, all of the money you got from the ATM is spent, you kind of remember using your credit/debit card a lot, and reality hits: you, kind sir, are fucked. Lovely day for a loan, isn't it?

"I'll pay. Of course I can afford it!"

5. You think you can sing.

The list of talents that seemingly improve is very long. Topping the list, however, is singing. When you're drunk, you turn into Mariah Carey or Josh Groban, and you can sing anything and everything. What's that note? A5? Nailed it. Because of this, you obviously feel the need to share your gift with friends and strangers alike, and therefore you have to sing karaoke, and not just once. Oh no, you have to sing repeatedly, and if anyone else dares to take the spotlight, they're going to have to share it with you, because you're not giving up that microphone, no sir.

What a lovely sentiment, Mariah. This is obviously before she was a judge on American Idol and spent every waking moment wishing that somebody would have discouraged 98% of the people auditioning.

6 You think you can dance.

Have you ever observed the dance floor of a club, sober? If you have, I guarantee you'll never dance drunk again. It is the most ridiculous sight! You think you're being all high tempo, fast and amazing, but in reality everyone (including you) are doing zombie-slow movements and looking high. Unless of course, like some people, you like to get up on stage and just jump around until security physically removes you.

"I can do the Single Ladies dance!" *does it... badly* (Friends of mine remember that Sunday morning with fondness)

7. You love your enemies.

Why is it that when you're drunk, EVERYONE becomes your friend, even people you normally can't stand. You're not just being polite either - you're in each other's arms, singing praise to each other's character, and agreeing that you should hang out tomorrow and go party together soon. The next day, you're walking around your house chanting "don't call me, don't call me, don't call me". Luckily, the other person is usually doing the same thing.

"Frenemies are enemies who act like friends"

8. You lower your standards (beer goggles).

You're at a party, there are no hotties around, (especially nobody as hot as you, since you've had all of those drinks). A few more shots and: "Uh, look at that hunk of a man standing over there looking mighty fine. Well, maybe not mighty fine, but definitely attractive. OK, so not exactly attractive, but he's got potential. OK, so not really potential, but I mean, like.. OK, he'll do."

This just about sums it up.

9. (Guys) You think you're actually a better driver when you're drunk.

I cannot count the amount of times I've heard male friends of mine swear on everyone they love, that they're actually better drivers when they're drunk. No need to take them home - they'll just drive themselves! No problem! Sure it might be illegal, but who's going to find out? In fact, they are such amazing drivers when they're drunk, the only way the police would stop them would be to commend them on their amazing (drunk) driving skills, never realizing they were actually drunk. I usually tell them that if they go I'm calling the police - and they know I will.

"Like a glove!"

10. (Girls) You think you can take on big, strong men.

This is very true for me. I'm very much a feminist, I'm 5"9, and I'm not a sissy. I am, however, female, and as much as I like to fight it when I'm drunk, men who are taller and heavier than me, are also stronger than me. When I'm drunk, this doesn't stop me! Why should it? I'm Xena! To be fair, I once knocked a guy to the ground with one hit because he was being a little bitch. Couldn't take any more of it. I did warn him. And no, I wouldn't have complained about not hitting women if he'd hit me back. Luckily for me, he didn't get back up (he was drunk). I don't like violence guys! I'm not a violent person at all, and I don't make a habit of hitting people, but he was just being such a cunt.

Instant replay.

If you enjoyed this post, please like it and share it with your friends! If you want to receive updates about when I post new blog posts right away, like my blog's Facebook page.

Yours,