Beyoncé Single Ladies: The "Ratchet Ladies" Remix

OK, so back in 2011, one of my best friends and I had a lovely conversation/poetic moment where we altered some lines from Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" to a rather.. different version. I stumbled across the transcript from that conversation and decided to put my considerable song(re)writing skills to use, and create a complete remix version of the song purely for your entertainment, my dear readers. Some of you might find this offensive, but I wouldn't be Cah Cah if I paid any attention to that. So, without further ado, I present to you my new song "Ratchet Ladies". Enjoy!



All the ratchet ladies, all the ratchet ladies
All the ratchet ladies, all the ratchet ladies
All the ratchet ladies, all the ratchet ladies

All the ratchet ladies, now get your legs up!

Back from the club, decided to phuck,
bit a hole on the rubber on his thing
Got knocked up, and now he's stuck,
sending me big baby bucks.

They all want my hole, I'm workin' the pole,
making money getting male attenton
He's crying his tears, buying baby stuff from Sears,
and getting mad at me.

Didn't love me, but he still put a baby in me.
Didn't love me, but he still put a baby in me.
I'll still have random sex, get baby checks to pay for a flat screen tv.
Didn't love me but he still put a baby in me.

Ouoh oh oh. Ouoh oh oh oh oh oh. Get me some mo'.
Ouoh oh oh. Ouoh oh oh oh oh oh. I'll be rollin' in dough

Can't strip no mo', my belly's startin to show
and it's getting really full of gas.
Gotta work somewhere, where people won't fear,

the sounds coming out of my ass.

Got a job at K-mart, and when I have to fart,
they don't pay me any attention.
But I think I know, that when I go,
they really aren't gonna miss me.

Feel it happening, my belly's got a pressure on it.
It's coming down, my belly's got a pressure on it.
Getting scared I might fart and accidentally shit.
But they all know my belly's got a big pressure on it.

Ouoh oh oh. Ouoh oh oh oh oh oh. Dear God no!
Here I go! Oh no no no oh oh. On the flo'.

*DON'T* expect me to be nice "down below"
My belly's gonna grow
and I won't know when I'm clean, so don't be mean
If you find a dingleberry, hanging like cherry,
and a "bloody Mary", and I'm a little hairy,
and just look very scary, beyoooooond
anything you want,
put up with it,
'cause listen prick,
Won't take your shit,
I'll break your schtick.

All the ratchet ladies, all the ratchet ladies
All the ratchet ladies, all the ratchet ladies
All the ratchet ladies, all the ratchet ladies
All the ratchet ladies, keep your legs crossed!

Nouoh oh oh. Noh oh oh oh oh oh. Nuoh oh oh.
No we won't. Ouoh oh oh oh oh oh. Nuoh oh oh.