Why Being A "Slut" Is OK & Why I Hate Proverbs

"He who never sleeps, is always awake." - Chinese proverb. OK, so it's actually from a Toyota commercial, but most proverbs are at best that stupid, and at worst used to promote bigoted behaviour like homophobia and "slut shaming".

We all have those friends on Facebook that love posting (what they consider to be) positive, inspirational, life affirming quotes on their timeline. While not a personal preference (I just really am not a fan of most quotes), this is harmless (unless you post an "inspirational" quote next to your profile picture. Your face and/or body doesn't inspire me or anyone else. I can't even..). Some people, however, like to use proverbs and sayings to prove a point. Before I move on, let me make one this very clear: this is not an acceptable way of debating, "proving" a point, or expressing an opinion to a critical audience. Now, I can understand the need for them, because defending bigotry with logical arguments is impossible very challenging, and most bigoted people are already limited (I don't care that your homophobic cousin studies law at Yale - he's still a limited idiot). I'm not saying being a bigot makes you stupid - I'm saying you're a bigot because you're stupid. That doesn't mean you can't do well in school. Anyway, back on point!

  Let's take homophobia as an example. I don't know many homophobic people, because I'm luckily from a family of very loving people who don't judge others based on silly things like what gender they prefer, and I don't surround myself with people like that, so my friend circle doesn't include any bigots either. However, I have heard plenty of homophobic people speak, and it is a frightening, yet also comical experience. Their reasoning is absolutely crazy. There is the obvious perpetrator, the widest used excuse in the Western world: The Bible. This "holy" book is what one of my absolute favourite sayings is based on. In the "battle against homosexuality", the phrase that so many people arm themselves with (and which basically sums up all of their religiously based arguments in one) is this gem: "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"

If this is how you are arguing your case right now, dear reader, I have one request: reevaluate your life. In a world where science is (thankfully) becoming ever more dominant, in a place where knowledge is not only respected, but before being deemed worthy knowledge it has to undergo scrutiny from multiple areas, in a time where we know so much and have explanations for complex phenomena, the "Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve" non-argument is worth absolutely fuck all. You cannot argue with people who use science, peer reviewed research, and infallible logic like "Well, even if it is a choice, it's not hurting anybody, so why shouldn't consenting adults be free to live how they want?" and say "NOT ADAM AND STEEEEVE!"

By the way, I thought you said God created everyone? Why didn't God create Adam and Steve? What's wrong with them? Sorry Adams and Steves - God didn't create you. On a different note, Adam and Steve look much more attracted to each other than Adam and Eve.

Another saying that really gets to me, is one that I see used (especially by males) all over the internet and that I hear guys say in real life all the time, not to about me personally, but do they say it behind my back? I don't know, and quite frankly I don't care. "What saying is this?", you might be wondering, or you might have already figured it out. Before I move on to it, I'd like to introduce you to my new favourite YouTuber: Laci Green. Laci has this awesome YouTube show called Sex+ which is all about sex positivity for both males and females (if any male is reading this and wants to learn a technique to enable you to have multiple orgasms - just like us females - click here) and in one of her videos that I just came across she addresses slut shaming.

Her video is wonderful, and she makes great points about how self respect doesn't mean a woman can't enjoy multiple partners, and how respecting women means respect based on accomplishments, not amount of sex partners. "Because of her [what society considers] 'bad behaviour' we reduce her status from human being to giant fucking whore". What genius response do I find in the comments?

Yes, this is a perfectly good analogy for human beings.

That saying is as used, abused, and irrelevant as the "not Adam and Steve" one. This is not just a harmless joke; it's a reflection of the lack of understanding society has about female sexuality, that at best is used to bully, shame, and negatively affect a woman's social life, and at worst directly leads to victim blaming. There is nothing wrong with being a sexually active woman who has as many different partners as you want! Just because someone else has a much higher need for sex than you and they're not afraid to act on it, doesn't mean you have to feel so threatened that you have to value them any less as human beings, nor does it mean they are "freaks" or "sex addicts" - they simply operate on a different level, sexually. If you want to have sex with someone new every weekend (or even every day of the week), that is your prerogative, and it's nobody's business. Contrary to popular belief, all women's sex drive isn't on "low and love". Our libido is as varying as men's, and - believe it or not - not all men are hypersexual fuck ogres. I know tons of women who have had issues in their relationships because their boyfriends have been unable to keep up with them sexually, and I know some guys with the same problem. I also know many single women who are scared to act on their urges because of what people might think about them, and it's easy to see why. The women that I do know who aren't afraid of claiming their sexuality are dehumanized, and  the way jealous women and spiteful men talk about them is appalling. When questioned about why it is so horrible and what makes it so wrong, never have I ever been giving a satisfactory answer. Even when I turn it around on the guys I know who are complete manwhores (nothing wrong with that, but since we're using these terms), they genuinely believe that it's OK for them to fuck however many women they please, but that the opposite is dead wrong and the women who do are nasty sluts. This is where we hit that place again - the one where our sexuality as women doesn't exist to serve us, but should exist only for the benefit others. I covered this a bit before in this post but I didn't address the other side of it - victim blaming. When a woman is sexually liberated, the respect that people have for her reduces to the point that if she's raped, her hair, behaviour, make up, sexual history, clothing and level of intoxication all get taken into consideration. This is wrong. Even if a woman is walking down the street drunk, naked and flirting with everyone NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO FORCIBLY HAVE SEX WITH HER AND IF SOMEONE DID SHE IS NOT TO BLAME. I cannot stress how imperative it is that people understand this! It doesn't matter what a woman is wearing, how she is behaving, or how drunk she is: rape is ALWAYS wrong, and  the idea that anyone thinks differently is frightening. It results in cases like this, where an 11 year old girl is gang raped by 18 guys, and the people in the community say things like "These boys have to live with this for the rest of their lives", and "They said she dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s. She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground, some said". The boys have to live with it for the rest of their lives? What about the ELEVEN year old girl who was raped by EIGHTEEN guys? And what is up with the focus on how she dressed and acted? She was ELEVEN! GANG RAPED BY EIGHTEEN GUYS! THIS is what happens! Slut shaming leads to victim blaming. No one is immune; not even children.


OK. This blog post turned out a bit more intense than I expected. Originally, this was only supposed to be a rant about how I can't stand it when people use proverbs in an intellectual debate. Oh well. If you enjoyed this post, please like it, share it, tweet it, all that good stuff, just don't do it naked or you're a slutwhore.

Yours,