Train Travesties

So I was on the subway a few hours ago, and as I'm sitting there minding my own business, this extraordinarily hot businessman walks in and sits down opposite me. He looks at me and smiles, and I manage an unconvincing grimace. Trying to regain my composure, I pick my jaw up off the floor, gently shake my head, blink, and try to not look at him too much. This, however, proved to be impossible. I could not stop looking, but it was OK; I had just been outside, so my eyes were covered... or so I thought. After sitting there staring at him as though I was trying to beat some Guinness world record, he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, which catches my attention, but I don't think much of it. It was very warm on subway, and we were all uncomfortable. After a while, I need to get my phone, but as I open my bag I find only pure humiliation staring me in the face: there, neatly laying on top of everything else, were my sunglasses. Needless to say, I killed myself afterwards, and am writing this from the Beyond.