How To Spend Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is finally here (NOT Christmas STEVE, so take that gays!). Anyway, if you're anything like me, you're just dying to eat some delicious Christmas food. While I'm waiting, I figured I might as well write a blog post about how to spend Christmas.

1. Wear sweatpants and a lose fitting top.

If you're anything like me, you'll need expandable clothing.


                               

This is the aim of Christmas!

2. Make yourself look presentable.

People are undoubtedly going to be snapping pictures of you at random moments, probably when you're stuffing your face like the fat Christmas elf you are. The least you can do is make sure your junkie like under eye bags aren't showing as well.

You don't want to be tagged on Facebook looking like this.

3. Don't overdo it.

Christmas Eve isn't a fashion show/beauty display - it's a competition. A competition with yourself. The goal of it? To eat more than you ate last year. To eat more than you've ever done in your life. To eat more than you ever will! Red lipstick is only going to make that unnecessarily complicated.

Take it from Paris: that shit ain't cute.

4. Don't have breakfast.

Don't eat anything at all. Save your appetite for the big Christmas meal.

So are we, Rebecca!

OR

5. Eat cookies for breakfast. 

As many as you want. Don't forget the milk (if you're the type to forget about the milk, I don't even know what to do with you. You need help beyond my capabilities)!

Literally how I looked this morning

6. Have a nap.

If you have a life, you were having wine with your best friends until 6 AM this morning, like me.

IT'S CHRISTMAS!

7. Regardless of whether you decided on 4 or 5, do something to increase your appetite.

Exercising is my activity of choice. If you're in a relationship (or if you're already on Santa's naughty list) sex is a viable option, unless your boyfriend (/random hookup) is "premature".

So I'm told

8. Watch Christmas movies.

"The Holiday", "Home Alone", and "Love, Actually" are favorites of mine!

Such a classic moment!

9. If you choose to watch The Holiday... 

die a little inside every time Jude Law is on screen (side note, while all British boys don't look like him, in my experience many of them are actually that charming.)

I love The Holiday because REASONS!

10. Time to eat!

Eating the Christmas dinner requires being tactical and a bit of planning. You need to take your time and savour every bite of delicious ecstasy that is [insert whatever food you're eating], but you need to be fast enough that you manage to eat about 3 times the amount you'd normally be able to before feeling full. My current record is 3/4 of a duck, 13 caramelized potatoes, half a bowl of sweet'n'sour red cabbage, and 1 liter of soda. Then desert. Yes, I'm proud of this. DON'T HATE ME 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T ME!

This guy is on to something...

11. In my country, we open presents after dinner.

It's fun to watch my little cousins get all excited about their presents.

That's not actually one of my cousins.

12. What you do now is completely optional.

Assuming I'll ever come out of my food coma, I will be attending the annual post-Christmas wine feast at my best friends house (about 30 seconds away from my grandma's house where I'll be spending Christmas Eve). This has become something of a tradition over the past few years. This is just to make sure that we slow down our metabolism after the huge feast so the fat can REALLY get on our stomachs!

Literally us.

So there you have it! My idea of what December 24th should look like! What will you guys be doing?

If you enjoyed this post, please like it and share it with your friends! If you want to receive updates about when I post new blog posts right away, like my blog's Facebook page.
Happy Christmas,